I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I didn’t actually pass away after the hours and hours of studying that I endured and the brain-numbing AP tests that I took.
I’m alive and well.
I took my last AP test on May 13th. (Happy be-lated Birthday Mr. Ziebarth!) I should have celebrated after May 13th, but well, I couldn’t contain my excitement and I proceeded to enter the “I don’t care about school or life anymore” state of mind right after my AP United States History test on May 8th.
These past 2 weeks have been… peaceful. I’ve been getting around 8 to 9 hours of sleep per night. My teachers are more relaxed, I have basically no homework. Life, I feel is slow.
I haven’t done anything. My weekends and after school hours consisted of me, my phone, and Once Upon a Time.
I’ve been so unproductive.
And after I exhausted the Once Upon a Time episode database, went through possibly every Instagram page I could find, and refreshed my Facebook feed only a billion times, I finally realized that I had nothing to do.
I didn’t have homework, I didn’t have projects, I didn’t have a test to study for. Nothing was on my agenda.
This made me think,
“I have no schoolwork, what do I do?:
I suddenly felt anxious. I looked for something to do. I scoured my brain… searching for some imaginary assignment that my AP Chemistry teacher posted. But there was nothing.
I had nothing to do.
And I talked to my friends. They had this problem too.
I mean, once you take the school away from the student, what does the student do?
it felt so odd not to be constantly studying or stressed. I felt unbalanced because I was not carrying a review book on one hand and my binder on the other at all times.
What is my purpose without school? What do I do? It seems so silly for me to say this, but I felt lost after AP testing.
I romanticized a world where I could watch Netflix, bake, go shopping, and run to the beach.
I did do those. I went to the beach, I went to Disneyland, I cooked.
But there was something missing… My stress, my school. And I guess while that is a nice lift off my shoulders, at least for me, it’s odd.