The Black and White and Color of Life

“When you try your best, but you don’t succeed” -Coldplay

Sometimes life doesn’t go your way and you get so frustrated. I did everything I could, but I couldn’t do it. The disappointment would overwhelm me and everything in the world turns from color to black and white.

I question, “Why does the world hate me? What did I do?” I was so close, but I fall short of expectations. Disappointment clouds my features and for a period of time, I stumble through life with little emotion and feeling resentful of the world.

Photo ©2011 by Razvan Orendovici [CC BY 2.0]
Photo ©2011 by Razvan Orendovici [CC BY 2.0]
But everyone has these moments of disappointment because we’re not perfect. I have experienced disappointment recently, but I came to realize that I’m still feeling happier than I was a year ago. A year ago, I felt stressed. I had an AP test and I felt so unprepared. By the time the AP test had passed, I was sick. I made myself sick with stress. Fast forward a year and a couple more AP tests later, I’m content. I’m happy with what I’ve done this year so far. Not to say that I’m perfect, because I am far from it. I have made countless mistakes. But I’ve learned to not dwell too much on my mistakes and move on. I know people who struggle to keep stress in check, and I definitely don’t blame them. Having a lot going on can do that to a person, but learning to manage it changed my perspective on life.

I remember first seeing this quote weeks ago on Pinterest. (I have yet to get rid of this addiction) This quote motivates me to continue trying, even when I desperately want to give up.

“Life is like snowboarding; You must get up every time you fall. Once you stop falling, you then begin to enjoy it. If you stay down, you will never see why people love it so much.” -William Nepe

I first noticed it because it mentioned snowboarding and we all know I love to snowboard. But it represents how my perspective on life has changed over the past year. I have learned to persist. I can’t just give up on something I think is impossible or because I hate it.

Photo ©2008 by vaXzine [CC BY-NC-ND 2.0]
Photo ©2008 by vaXzine [CC BY-NC-ND 2.0]
One thing I really regret giving up is piano. Some people get their start on piano because of their parents, but for me, I was the one pushing to learn to play. I really wanted to learn, but ultimately, my patience failed me. The process of learning wasn’t what I expected as an 8 year old. I wanted instant results and to be able to play like what I’ve seen. My impatience got the best of me and after many years, I learned to hate it and eventually quit. My temporary hate turned into a decision that I wish I could undo.

IMG_6647

Although it wasn’t a conscious decision this year, I learned to persist. I may hate it. I may want to give up. I may want to say screw everything I’m done. But instead, I power through and just do it.

Going through the hardships are what makes something so rewarding. Snowboarding is rewarding for me because after hours of falling on the mountain, I succeed in navigating my way down the mountain. It may have fallen hard countless times. I may have almost hit a tree. I may have almost fallen into a 10 feet deep ditch. I may have been indescribably sore for days afterwards. I could have serious hurt myself. But these risks make the end result so much better.

I didn’t want to study for my AP’s. I didn’t want to study for my tests. I didn’t want to do the 2 hour long homework assignment. I didn’t want to study for any of my AP tests, but I knew that by the time comes, I’d be more stressed. I pushed myself out of bed, sat down at my desk, and made myself focus because results don’t come without consequences or sacrifices. I needed to sacrifice my time and just study. I tend to complain a lot, and I still do, but I’m working as I complain.

Just because I don’t want to doesn’t mean I shouldn’t. Eventually, results came in. I felt more calm around AP week because I subconsciously knew I had prepared throughout the year and I could do it. I still worried myself about the tests, I actually believed my inner pep talks this time around. Now, I don’t have too much to complain about (except maybe 4 projects with deadlines coming soon) because my hard work has finally paid off. Success doesn’t come without the work.

So although life doesn’t seem to be going your way and seems like it’s trying to spite you, just keep going. You can do it. You never know what will happen, and things always seem to  turn out better.

Photo ©2015 by BK [CC BY-SA 2.0]
Photo ©2015 by BK [CC BY-SA 2.0]
I no longer hold the perspective of a black and white world of disappointment and mistakes, but instead, I look forward to the colorful world of opportunities ahead of me.

-Mary

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s