Going back to 2 blog posts ago…….
I talked about how I wrote my example essay about my height. I had a conference with my AP English teacher on how I could improve my favorite essay and I received a lot of insight on what I should fix.
I needed to clarify on some aspects of my examples, such as when I mentioned K1. I didn’t specifically state that it was an indoor racing track. Many who may have never heard of K1 wouldn’t be able to make the connection, which weakens the example itself.
Another significant change suggested by Mr. Ziebarth was to rearrange the paragraphs of my essay. By doing so, I can improve on transitioning between paragraphs because I seem to struggle when moving from one topic to another.
Another aspect I wanted to alter was the length of my essay. I wrote about 600 words originally, and since the first draft, it hasn’t changed by more than 5 words. I asked Mr. Ziebarth on some tips and he told me that by going into more detail, I would be able to lengthen it. Also, I could insert another example or two to strengthen the example.
Another example I wanted to add occurred just last Sunday when I journeyed to Big Bear Mountain to snowboarding. Surprise there huh? I can’t help it if I’m addicted to snowboarding… even though I suck. At least I’m not as bad as I was 4 years ago. Little steps in my path to become a professional snowboarder! Or just to snowboard without falling and hurting myself.
Anyways, after arriving and being guided into a parking spot, 5 of us trudged up to the ticket lines to buy our lift ticket. My cousins and I contemplated if I should fake my age because my short height combined with multiple layers of baggy clothing and goggles covering most of my face, no one could tell how old I was. So, I faked being a 12 year old for the day. My cousins and I joke that I’m 12 going onto 17. It was actually believable! A man near the loading of the people onto the ski lift asked me if I wanted a sticker. I reluctantly replied yes and on the ride up to the mountain, my cousins and I had a good laugh about my age.
A couple trips down the mountain later, I was on another ski lift with two strangers and I had a friendly chat with them. I learned that they had been snowboarding for almost 6 years and when they asked me the same question, I responded 4 years. At this point, they inquired how old I was and took their own guess before I responded. Their guess: 12 years old. They were surprised to hear that I was in fact 16, a junior in high school.
It’s nice to know the advantages of looking 12! Getting free stickers, cheaper lift tickets, people not yelling at you when you accidently run them over on the mountain.
January 24. The best day of my snowboarding experience. I actually only fell a couple times! (the worst fall, embarrassingly, from falling while attempting to get off the ski lift) I’m gaining a speed and braking less, so that means less aching thighs and calves and less soreness for the week to come. But too bad that will probably be the last time that I can go snowboarding this season. I’ll have to wait next season to get back to my favorite hobby!