Will you even remember me?

“I hear the conversations going on around me and I feel the stares I’m sure cannot all be my imagination. People speak of their summer vacations and feign interest in their friend’s activities. Fake smiles fill their faces as they wait for their turn to speak. Though it may be only a cursory glance, a stranger’s stare makes me feel naked. Like they can see right through my facade and all my insecurities. Instead of the door, I opt to find the wall in the back of the room, farthest from the door and assume that I am safe. I lean against the wall and take another look around. It must be my imagination, but it feels like the stares are getting longer and more intense. You have not looked in my direction….

Throughout my life, I have been exposed to many different types of people. From extroverted to introverted, from dedicated to calm and “go-with-the-flow.” Whether they were in a book or one of my friends.  I’ve tried to imitate at least half of them, because I like them better than myself. It took me a long time to realize that I need to stop imitating these other people, and that I need to have my own ideas, speak my own opinions, and create my own life. That realization came two years ago, and I’m still working on figuring out who I actually am. I have lived through others for so long that I lost the ability to separate my own opinion from opinions I stole. I can’t tell if I am speaking about my ideas or I am talking about an idea someone told me.” – Leah

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